I have confession to make

Today I met a glence.
Today I met one open heart.
Today I met myself in one eye.
I asked a sunny day why I am so sad?
Why are the days of Sunshine sad as a snow of sorrow to me?
Today I met a vision from my dreams of deceased don't yes of mine.
Should I play a life a compromise?
No,I can't.
I don't know does She things that I am just a clown
with smile on my face and whole in my broken heart?
I can't pretend that I am all fine.
Am I a parasite that lives by loving all what is beutiful
and escape from sadness of my never loved heart?
Sad analyze of myself.
Sad picture of lost light house.
Is it really posible that I can't exist without Her?
Did I justify my conffesion from the biggining?

However,the true is that I have met today a glance and one open Heart.
That I have met myself in one different eye.

My love,my life

My love,my life

Today I was beliving that we can find the way out of ours pain,wounds,sorrow..even regrets.
It does tearing me apart knowing that You chose not to forget.I din t need Your forgiveness in words..
Why can't You open Your beutiful Heart once more to love beyond the pain and sorrow?
Why my love?
I did gave You life time promise that I shall never take it back.
All our sollitude are just our weakness.
We need to be angels to each other,to give each other consolation,compassion and strenght.Don't You see my love?
Theere is a inner twilight zone in our hearts that we ourselfs can not see.Even when we know a lot about ours gifts and weaknesses,our aspirations and ambitions,our motives..large part of ourselfs remain in the shadow of consciousness.So,we will always remain partialy hidden to ourselfs.
People who love us,can often see clearly our twilight zones better than we can.The way we are seen and understood my loved ones is different from the way we see and understand ourselfs.
We will never fully know the significanse of our present in the lifes of our friends and love ones.
That's amezing grace,a grace that calls us not only to be humility,more compassion,but to a deep trust in thoese who love us.
Somewhere I do know that without silence words loose theire meaning,that without listening spearkling no longer heals and that without distance closeness can not we'll be cure.
My great hope is to laugh with You once more.
Wish You silent night.God bless You!

To my caring friend

My beloved,
You make me happy each and every time You come near me..I feel in my heart Your steps.my heart is widely open and listen very carefully because You come in silence.As You don t want to wake me up.I want to be aweken by You,I want to be awere of Your presence.
I love You so much and each move You make.
You was more than a confessor or therapist,You are my kindered soul.You offered me God's forgiveness.With You, I could share my solitude,my silence and my prayers.
With You,I could look at the sky and say:"Isn t it wonderful!"
With You I didn t have to say or do something special.
With You I could be still and know that God is there with both of us.
I do belong to another world that belong to God.
So,I am free to speek even when my words are not recived;
Free to act even when my actions are critisized,ridiculed or considered useless..
I am convinced that I will trully be able to love when I fully belive that I am loved far beyond its boundaries.
As,Henry J.M.Nouwen once said:
"Dare to love and to be real friend.The love You give and resive is reality that will lead You closer and closer to God as well as thoese whom God has given You to love."
Tu eres in mi corazon para siempre!

"Life is my gift"

This art belong to very good friend of mine.Her name is Clara and she is one of the most wonderful person I have ever met.
Besides doing such beutiful and expresive work she is also a very tallented ballet dancer,composer,writer of poetry and prose,teacher to younger ones...
She is feminist and doing lot of research in history of woman's rights.Quite a very interesting pilgrim on her own life journey.
She has deep compassion in her beutiful heart and she's one of my true friend at this time of life.
I am very proud for having a privileg for knowing her,for being close to her soul&heart..we do understand each other very often without a words.
She send me this pease  of work in very special time in my life,trying without words to give me sight at presious gift of life itself.In time when I was losing my beloved,my hope and almost my desire for living.
Her Nightingale from the picture looks like her own heart.Once she gave her heart to Nightingale..it stayed in her life forever.She gave freedom to Nightingale once..and in return,she have Nightingale forever.
I am gretful for her life.I do belive You will hear very soon her name bacause when You give Yourself openly to the world,whole Universe unite to bring You into Your own dream come true.many reached stars.
Fly,my dear..fly without a fier,Your heart is going in right direction,towards the stars.Give Yourself to each and every living soul and be blessed on Your journey!
So,I wish her love&joy in life and

Woman in love

Life is a moment to space
When the dream is gone
it's a lonelier place

I kiss the morning goodbye
But down inside, you know we never know why
The road is narrow and long
When eyes meet eyes and the feeling is strong
I turn away from the wall,
I stumble and fall, but I give you it all

Chrous:
I am a woman in love
And I'd do anything to get you into my world and hold you within
It's a right, I defend, over and over again
What do I do?

With you eternally mine
In love there is no measure of time
We planned it all at the start
That you and I live in each other's heart
We may be oceans away
You feel my love, I hear what you say.
No truth is ever a lie,
I stumble and fall, but I give you it all.

(Chrorus)

Ooooh Yes I am a woman in love and I'm talking to you,
You know I know how you feel, what a woman can do.
It's a right, I defend, over and over again.
What do I do.
I'm a woman in love
And I'll do anything to get you into my world
And hold you within
It's a right I defend ....


You all are much smarter then I and You will know the authorThoese one who knows me in realitly, knows that I lost very good part of my memory cause of medical tretmant.I am not apologizing to the author cause thoese words are meanted to be shared with all who are in love..I am just woman in love.In the most beutiful girl in the world..I lost all my memory.Only I want to remember is to love You all.
Thank each and every one of You who came here today..and many days before.
My love,I feel You as allways when ever You're near me.Thank You for loving me.

My new status

Yesterday I was givenn one sentence which open my eyes widely.It say:
" HEART ARE MAENT TO BE BROKEN   OPEN. "

I want all of You start to think about that quote.First I thought it was about Jesus Christ open heart.
I went out for a while and looked in the sky above me.
It was about endless love allways open for all it comes in life:smile,joy,laugh,gentle tuch as well as to pain,sorrow,tears.It should be allways open,hugging each and every person in the world.
Oh yes,that's the only true love in life.
After each and every sorrow comes a joy.
After each and every tears comes a laugh.
After each and every death comes a new life.
After each and every selfish love comes Divane Love.

I am so greatful for all it comes in life,every pain,every wounds,every sorrow,every tears.Like I am greatful to a joy,smile,laugh.
So,I will  never ever apologize for showing my feelings,my broken and open heart because when I do so,I am allways apologizing for the truth and love inside me.
I don t want to apologize for being weak,in loved,unsecure,for wanting more( when You love You want the best from youself to give&share,to reach a shining Star,to catch the rainbow.When You don't - You do not love. )
As Dom Helder Camara once said:
"When we are dreaming alone-it is only a dream.
When we are dreaming together it is biginning of reality."

At last,please do not mind if I let myself and put litlle message to someone who is going to know it is for her:
Mi amor,mi vida te quierro para siempre.
Yo no puedo algo.Yo no puedo vivir sin Amor.
Gratzias,mi corazon per todo.

Beutiful She

From this moment on...
I am lost in this world where I do not belong.
I never did,ectually  belong anywhere.
My home was allways somewere in the Heaven.
I was a dreamer whole my life.
My song was "Fly,fly,litlle one.."
I thought that I was a bird with broken wings so
I had never belong here..my heart belongs to Sky.
I am Sappho with broken heart.
For a moment I was happy I dreamed the most beutiful dream
Were You were my Lady.
I felt young,happy,in love
I belived in each and every word You said to me.
I even planned the most incredible plans
Crossing the Ocean was just one litlle part of my plan.
Other was to ask You to merry me.
I wake up.
Alone.
Old.
Time to close the my heart.
Time to fly away.
Time for going home.
Wish me,bon voayagge.

 My love,

That was song I shall allways ( para siempre ) keep in my heart.
Shania Twain
"From this moment on"

(I do swear that I ll allways be there.
I d give anything and everything and I will allways care.
Throught weakness and strength,happiness and sorrow,for better and worce,
I will love You with every beat of my heart. )

From this moment life has begun
From this moment You are the one
Right beside You is were I belong
From this moment on.
From this moment I have been blessed
I live only for Your happiness
And for Your love I d give my last breath
From this moment on.
I give my hand to You with all my heart
Can t wait to live my life with You,can t wait to start
You and I will never be apart
My dreams came true because of You.
From this moment as long as I live
I will love You,I promiss You this
There s nothing I wouldn t give
From this moment on.
YOU ARE THE REASON THAT I BELIVE IN LOVE
AND YOU RE THE ANSWER TO MY PRAYERS FROM UP ABOVE
All we need is just two of us
My dreams come true because of You.
From this moment as long as I live
I will love You.I promise You this
There s nothing I wouldn t give
From this moment
I will love You as long as I live
From this moment on.

       

Mala godišnjica

Danas je naša mala godišnjica.
Kao i uvijek nedostaješ mi.Pokušavam promijeniti sebe da bih postala dostojna Tebe.Svaka Tvoja riječ u meni živi neki svoj posebni život..nastavljajući tamo gdje si Ti stala.
Sanjam da si moja i da sve riječi izrečene imaju neko  posebno značenje.Osjećam da sam pogriješila i da nikada više neću moći vratiti ono vrijeme koje nas je oplemenilo,obogatilo,promijenilo.
Nosim svoje srce na dlanu pružajući Ti ga..više me ne trebaš,znam to,sada je to samo neka bivša priča nikada dokraja ispričana.
Happy aniversary mi amor,yo te quierro para siempre!

Love

"Love ,means never having to say you re sorry."  Erich Segal
That s one of the most beutiful sentense I have ever heard in my life.When I first heard that line I was 12 years old girl.I went to six class,it was 09.th July.That was the last day of my childhood.
Day after I was raped by one familly" friend".
Today,40 years later- I remember that line.For the first time in my life I don t feel guilt over that happening.
Today,40 years later-I forgive my rapist.
Today,40 years later-I feel free and I fully understand Segal s wonderful meaning of love.

To You

You came into my life.You were my only reason for being alive,the only one who makes me fight with this last fight for my health.
I miss you in every minute when we are not together.
It was hard for me this last days from my birthday.I have no clue what shall we do.
I knew before that I don t have anyone close to me.Now..hmm I can t live without you any more.
I love you with all my heart,I need your smile to go on.
I am very weak for thoese last days,it s hard even to write..all I can is thinking on you.
Don t ever let me down cause I will not know any more how to go on.
I am not the one I used to be,all I need is to sleep in your arms.
I am forgetting many things,I am so affraid that you will forget me one day.
If you do that I shall have no reason for fight any more.
In this world of mine you are the true.So,I am begging you again:
Stay with me!para siempre mi amor te quierro.

I miss Your laugh

What ever  I do,where ever I go: I do miss your laugh.
I do belive that Land of laugh sleep on your mouth.Sometimes,when I am very calm I do hear it in my ears..It makes me happy,makes me so alive.
My beloved,thank you for making me happy,loved and alive.


Što god da činim,gdje god da krenem:nedostaje mi Tvoj osmjeh.
Ja stvarno vjerujem da Zemlja smješka spava na Tvojim isnama.Koji puta,kada sam jako mirna čujem ga u mojim ušima.Čini me sretnom,tako živom.
Voljena moja,hvala Ti što me činiš sretnom,voljenom i živom.

Homofobi

Sinoć mi se dogodilo nešto veoma neugodno i za mene neshvatljivo.Nešto prije ponoći sam dobila obavijest da se "nađemo" u ponoć u molitvi da se ne održi Gay Pride u Zagrebu.Otišla sam odmah na stranicu gdje su me iznenadili,ražalostili,uvrijedili.odmah su  uklonili sa glavne stranice moj odgovor u kome sam ih pozivala na Ljubav,mir,toleranciju,na svačije pravo na izbor.Diskusiju se nastavila iza pogleda javnosti.Oni su pljuvali po pripadnicima zajednice LGBT nazivajući nas degenericima,razvratnima i luđacima.Tražili su da se ukine pravi istospolnih zajednica i svega što je Zakonom o istospolnim zajednicama dopušteno.
Ono što je najgore bilo,među njima se nalazila osoba za koju sam vjerovala da mi je prijateljica,koja je otvarala vrata svoga doma kada bih dolazila u metropolu,sa kojom sam razgovala satima i koja bi me trebala poznavati.Koja dobro zna što sam u životu sve prošla.
Inače,nikada u životu nisam prisustvovala ni u jednom Gay Pride-u,sinoć sam požalila što sam bolesna i ne mogu biti prisutna.
Ovo nisu ljudi koji vjeruju u istoga Boga kao ja.
Moj Bog je Otac kome smo svi djeca i koji nas bezuvjetno voli.
I zato Bože,molim Te zaštiti i budi danas uz one koje se kleveće,kojima se izruguje,koje se pljuje po ulicama našega glavnog grada.Jer Ti si Oče i naš Otac!Pomozi svima koji su ranjeni i odbačeni da ponosno podignu glave i da se zaljube samo u Tebe!
Hvala Ti Bože moj!

I am hurt

It s so easy to hurt someone who is standing so close to You.
I never had understanding for that  kind of behaviour.
I allways thought that lesbian are more cereful,more kind,more understanding.At last that they are more woman then others.
I was wrong for putting lesbian on the pedestal.
Or maybe I am just too hurt.
It s not easy to coop with something like this.I need to hide myself.I don t want to argue with you about our rights to dissagree with something,anything.
You above all should know that.
You said that we need dialogue for progress to occur.Well,maybe you didn t mean it refair to everyone.Maybe it s for thoese you choose to have dialogue.
I really didn t need history lesson about human rughts in America.
Before I answer to anybody I look upon to whom  am I answering.Not everyboday can and will understand everything I want to share and say.But we re different.
I don t get from were did you saw I was condemning anybody,anything.Honestlly I am not that person at all.I love woman to much and I care too much to be able to condemn them.It was strange for thinking that you need to explain me what does homophobe do in there lifes.Did you really red what I wrote about part of my experianse?
Maybe you are right.maybe you wasn t answering only to me.
I will get over your answer in time.Time do recover all our wounds.
I wish You all the best in life!
with respect and love,m. 

my "NO" to Gay Pride

My name is Milena Nikolić.I have 52 years  and whole my life I have been lesbian.Proud for being lesbian.Proud for embracing being lesbian with whole my heart,body,mind and soul.I belive in love,God and human rights for each and everyone on Earth.
All my life I stood for my rights to be lesbian.I payed very high price for this moment.Being honest to myself and to all others I do not separate my everyday life from on line life.
I made lot of wrong choises and I am awere of it.I am far of being perfect.
More then half od my life I lived upon others rules like many abused woman did.
I don t want to be abuse any more.I am not going to give them that right any more.I have my own life,my own rules and I shall make my own dessisions.
I don t Gay Pride to be proud,to be happy,to help others,and to do my share for LGBT community.My door is allways open to anybody.
I do love you all that s my Pride,that s my everyday march,my Parade!
I went thought the hell in my life.
I was at psychiatry as young girl cause I decleare myself of being lesbian.
I was disownd by my familly cause I decleare myself as besbian.
I was abused 18 lond years by my ex husbant cause being lesbian.
I lost my motherrights for children by Court cause  I am lesbian.
I was priessoned cause I decleare myself as lesbian.
I lost most of my  friends while I was lesbian.
I was throwned out of my original Church cause I am lesbian.
I was throwned out of my carismatic group cause I am lesbian.
I was out all my life and payed for being out.
Being lesbian is not joinning Gay Pride,my all life is lesbian march.
You need to stand up and recognise youself as an lesbian.No one else can or is able to fight for you.
God bless you all!

You needed me by Miss.A.Murray

http://youtu.be/QrOdxw5CHX8


I have no intension to brake wirh author wrights which are reserved.If I have to remove it,please let me know.
I wanted to share with all of You this beutiful song I heard today early in the morning on You Tube site. 

Djevojčica Leana

Sada san već pomalo umorna.Vrijeme za odlazak na spavanje je davno prošlo.
Težak mi je jučer bio dan.Još uvijek se oporavljam od njega.Pokušavam ne razmišljati da sama osoba lako čini pogreške.
Srela sam jučer jednu djevojčicu.Zove se Leana.Ima 9 godina,prekrasan osmjeh i leukemiju.Sjedele smo tako u čekaonici zajedno.Ispričala mi je da ima dvije velike želje,da pojede jedan veliki sladoled od vanilije i da njezina mama rodi zdravu bebu.Gledala je u mene i stalno pjevušila:"...zelena je livada daleko...".Osluškivala sam je i razmišljala od kuda ona zna tu taku staru pjesmu iz mjuzikla "Jalta,Jalta".
Onda su je pozvali da uđe u ordinaciju.Mahnula mi je rukom i rekla da ćemo se vidjeti.
Sat vremena kasnije iznijeli su je na kolicima.
Kada zaklopim oči vidim i dalje njezin osmjeh.
Zašto Bože?